Concrete Examples
The concrete examples you use in your essays are the evidence
you are using to support your argument. What makes them concrete
is the detail you give them. The more information you give the
reader, the more they can get into your head; thus, the more
likely they are to agree with your argument.
Take for instance these pairs of examples:
- not concrete: This guy I know used to do drugs, which are
bad, M'Kay?
- concrete: Bill Prater was on the fast track to early
success. He was a star athlete, stellar student, and had
the promise of executive material. Unfortunately, he
discovered crack. After his first exposure to crack, he
found that he was always wanting more and more. Within a
year he was addicted. His entire life revolved around
scoring some rock and smoking it. Soon he was off the
team, out of school, and a resident of the gutter. Bill
found out, through experience, that drugs can destroy
your present and your future.
- not concrete: We were really mean to the Indians.
- concrete: As soon as Columbus inadvertently discovered
this continent, he continued the European tradition of
subjugating the natives. The natives of the Americas were
driven from their lands through wars, the spread of
disease from the conquerors to the conquerored, and
through deceitful treaties. By the beginning of the
twentieth century, the Natives of this country had been
pushed off into the fenced-in areas of our deserts where
they were expected to scape a living from the arid sand.
- not concrete: My first crush was a doozy.
- concrete: My first crush came at the tender age of nine
when I fell head over heels in puppy love with Mary Jane.
I found myself thinking of her all the time. At lunch, I
would frog her on the arm, just to get her attention. I
would have done almost anything to see her smile, to have
her speak to me, to hold my hand. Of course, at nine,
it's only a crush. Despite my infatuation, if she had
actually tried to hold my hand or , God forbid, kiss me,
I would have had to kill her on the spot. But, at that
time, she was all I could think of.
See the difference? Make it real for the reader. Place them
inside your thoughts and inside your head.
Go back to Organizing
the Essay
Do some Concrete
Example Assignments: