|
A Modest Proposal
for preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a
burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to
the publick.
|
It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great
town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the
roads and cabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex,
followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and
importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers instead of
being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to
employ all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their
helpless infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for
want of work, or leave their dear native country, to fight for the
Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.
|
|
I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number
of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their
mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present
deplorable state of the kingdom, a very great additional
grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and
easy method of making these children sound and useful members of
the common-wealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as to
have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.
|
|
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only
for the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater
extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain
age, who are born of parents in effect as little able to support
them, as those who demand our charity in the streets.
|
|
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years, upon
this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes
of our projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in
their computation. It is true, a child just dropt from its dam,
may be supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little other
nourishment: at most not above the value of two shillings, which
the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her
lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old
that I propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead
of being a charge upon their parents, or the parish, or wanting
food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the
contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to the cloathing
of many thousands.
|
|
There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it
will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice
of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent
among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to
avoid the expence than the shame, which would move tears and pity
in the most savage and inhuman breast.
|
|
The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one
million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two
hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which
number I subtract thirty thousand couple, who are able to maintain
their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot be so many,
under the present distresses of the kingdom) but this being
granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand
breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand, for those women who
miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease within the
year. There only remain an hundred and twenty thousand children of
poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, How this
number shall be reared, and provided for? which, as I have already
said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can
neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we neither build
houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very
seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive at six
years old; except where they are of towardly parts, although I
confess they learn the rudiments much earlier; during which time
they can however be properly looked upon only as probationers: As
I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of
Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew above one or two
instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so
renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.
|
|
I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve
years old, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to
this age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds
and half a crown at most, on the exchange; which cannot turn to
account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriments
and rags having been at least four times that value.
|
|
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope
will not be liable to the least objection.
|
|
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance
in London, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year
old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether
stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it
will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust.
|
|
I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of
the hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty
thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part
to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle,
or swine, and my reason is, that these children are seldom the
fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our
savages, therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four
females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old,
be offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune, through
the kingdom, always advising the mother to let them suck
plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fat
for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment
for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind
quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little
pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day,
especially in winter.
|
|
I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh
12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to
28 pounds.
|
|
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper
for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the
parents, seem to have the best title to the children.
|
|
Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more
plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told
by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a
prolifick dyet, there are more children born in Roman Catholick
countries about nine months after Lent, the markets will be more
glutted than usual, because the number of Popish infants, is at
least three to one in this kingdom, and therefore it will have one
other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of Papists
among us.
|
|
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in
which list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of
the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included;
and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for
the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make
four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some
particular friend, or his own family to dine with him. Thus the
squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among
his tenants, the mother will have eight shillings neat profit, and
be fit for work till she produces another child.
|
|
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require)
may flea the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed,
will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine
gentlemen.
|
|
As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this
purpose, in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may
be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying
the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do
roasting pigs.
|
|
A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose
virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased, in discoursing on
this matter, to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that
many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their
deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well supply'd
by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen
years of age, nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in
every country being now ready to starve for want of work and
service: And these to be disposed of by their parents if alive, or
otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due deference to so
excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be
altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American
acquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that their flesh
was generally tough and lean, like that of our school-boys, by
continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable, and to fatten
them would not answer the charge. Then as to the females, it
would, I think, with humble submission, be a loss to the publick,
because they soon would become breeders themselves: And besides,
it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to
censure such a practice, (although indeed very unjustly) as a
little bordering upon cruelty, which, I confess, hath always been
with me the strongest objection against any project, how well
soever intended.
|
|
But in order to justify my friend, he confessed, that this
expedient was put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor, a
native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London,
above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that
in his country, when any young person happened to be put to death,
the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality, as a prime
dainty; and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl of
fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the Emperor,
was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state, and
other great mandarins of the court in joints from the gibbet, at
four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same
use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who
without one single groat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad
without a chair, and appear at a play-house and assemblies in
foreign fineries which they never will pay for; the kingdom would
not be the worse.
|
|
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about
that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or
maimed; and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course
may be taken, to ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance.
But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is
very well known, that they are every day dying, and rotting, by
cold and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast as can be
reasonably expected. And as to the young labourers, they are now
in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and
consequently pine away from want of nourishment, to a degree, that
if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labour, they
have not strength to perform it, and thus the country and
themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.
|
|
I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my
subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made
are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
|
|
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the
number of Papists, with whom we are yearly over-run, being the
principal breeders of the nation, as well as our most dangerous
enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver
the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by
the absence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to
leave their country, than stay at home and pay tithes against
their conscience to an episcopal curate.
|
|
Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their
own, which by law may be made liable to a distress, and help to
pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already
seized, and money a thing unknown.
|
|
Thirdly, Whereas the maintainance of an hundred thousand children,
from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less than
ten shillings a piece per annum, the nation's stock will be
thereby encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum, besides the
profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of
fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in taste. And the
money will circulate among our selves, the goods being entirely of
our own growth and manufacture.
|
|
Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight
shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will
be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.
|
|
Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns,
where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the
best receipts for dressing it to perfection; and consequently have
their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly
value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; and a
skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will
contrive to make it as expensive as they please.
|
|
Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all
wise nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by
laws and penalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness of
mothers towards their children, when they were sure of a
settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by
the publick, to their annual profit instead of expence. We should
soon see an honest emulation among the married women, which of
them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become
as fond of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy, as
they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, or sow
when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as
is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.
|
|
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the
addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrel'd
beef: the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art
of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great
destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way
comparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown, fat yearly
child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a
Lord Mayor's feast, or any other publick entertainment. But this,
and many others, I omit, being studious of brevity.
|
|
Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be
constant customers for infants flesh, besides others who might
have it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings and
christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off annually about
twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where
probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty
thousand.
|
|
I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised
against this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number
of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I
freely own, and 'twas indeed one principal design in offering it
to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate
my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no
other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth.
Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our
absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither cloaths, nor
houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth and
manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments
that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride,
vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein
of parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our
country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the
inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and
factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews, who were murdering
one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a
little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for
nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of
mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of
honesty, industry, and skill into our shop-keepers, who, if a
resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would
immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the
measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make
one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly
invited to it.
|
|
Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like
expedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that
there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them
into practice.
|
|
But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with
offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly
despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal,
which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real,
of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and
whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this
kind of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of
too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt,
although perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to
eat up our whole nation without it.
|
|
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to
reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found
equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something
of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and
offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased
maturely to consider two points. First, As things now stand, how
they will be able to find food and raiment for a hundred thousand
useless mouths and backs. And secondly, There being a round
million of creatures in humane figure throughout this kingdom,
whose whole subsistence put into a common stock, would leave them
in debt two million of pounds sterling, adding those who are
beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and
labourers, with their wives and children, who are beggars in
effect; I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and
may perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that they will first
ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this
day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food at a
year old, in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such
a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they have since gone through,
by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent
without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with
neither house nor cloaths to cover them from the inclemencies of
the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of intailing the
like, or greater miseries, upon their breed for ever.
|
|
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least
personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work,
having no other motive than the publick good of my country, by
advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor,
and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children, by which
I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years
old, and my wife past child-bearing.
|
|
|
Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)
"Jonathan Swift was born in Dublin in 1667
after his father's death. He was educated at Kilkenny Grammar School and
at Trinity College, Dublin, where he was censured for offences against
discipline and had to obtain his degree by 'special grace'.
"Swift was ordained in Ireland in 1695 and was
given a prebend at St Patrick's, Dublin, where he was later made dean.
An ardent pacifist who loathed cruelty, imperialism and war, he wrote
many pamphlets on religion and war and during the course of frequent
visits to London did much to try and improve the political situation in
Ireland. The details of his daily life in London are recounted in a
series of intimate letters to Esther Johnson, published as Journal to
Stella. He was also very close to Esther Vanhomrigh, whom he met in
1708, and his final rupture with her in about 1723 may have hastened her
death. The story of their love-affair is related in Swift's poem 'Cadenus
and Vanessa'.
"Swift's masterpiece, Gulliver's Travels,
appeared in 1726. It was an overnight success, but soon triggered heated
debate and, to this day, it has remained extremely controversial.
Gulliver's Travels was the only one of his publications for which Swift
received any payment (ú200) and like much of his work, it was published
anonymously.
"Throughout his life, Swift suffered from a
form of vertigo and his illness became very marked in about 1738. As a
result of his increasing dementia, he was declared 'of unsound mind' in
1742 and guardians were appointed to manage his affairs. He died in
1745."
Source: Penguin Web Site (http://www.penguin.co.uk/Penguin/Authors/587.html).. |